I guess it is the time of the year. As i reflect on the past 2 years - moving out of home and renting solo for 7 months was one of the best life-defining decisions I’ve made in my life thus far! Even though I was fighting the thought “If I don’t rent, I can invest this money instead O:”, I’d still do it again in a heartbeat. Those 7 months brought light into the fog I felt I was in, giving me the clarity to live a freer and more balanced life I couldn’t back then. I would like to shed some light on the importance of gaining clarity for yourself, so here's my story:
It was 5 years ago when my advisory practice first began. Being a family-oriented person, the first portfolio I looked into was my immediate family’s.
I was beyond shock. Not only did I realize that their hospitalization plans (one of the most important elements of a basic financial plan) were cancelled, but also not much was done in areas of my parents’ retirement planning and the long-term financial needs of my special-needs brother. At that moment, it felt like a load equivalent to the weight of the world suddenly fell on me.. it became crystal clear that the financial security of my family’s future would be on my shoulders.
With no time to lose, I poured my heart and soul into work with one clear goal – to better provide financially for my family, and to help clients secure their financial future so they wouldn’t end up in the same situation. I was a headless chicken, striving hard for my business in the first 2 years. Teammates would find me almost the first in office and chasing last trains home.
While I was so focused on what was needed to be done, I was also aware of a soft, exhausted, and increasingly resentful voice in my head asking, “Why are you, the youngest in the family, the one who has to take care of everyone else? Why are you the one who has to provide financially and beyond? Why did the agent sell products instead of giving them perspectives of planning?”
What fueled my striving back then was the responsibility I placed on myself to provide, thinking I had no choice. Yet, it also gradually sapped my energy, optimism, and joy away.
Yes, I did well and became part of the Top 5% of financial consultants in Singapore ever since my first full year (to which I’m grateful for). I did so by fervently making sure that my clients would not fall trap to the same predicament my family and I were in. It was comforting for all parties and fulfilling to do so.
But these motivations were short-lived. I burned out…
When a new challenge, issue, or financial need surfaced in my family, it was like a new backpack was added on my shoulders. Before I knew it, I was carrying so many bags that I felt paralyzed. I started questioning my reason for working and being – as much as I loved my family with all my heart, it must be more than just to provide for them. As for my role as a financial consultant, I questioned how much of what I was doing was for clients, and how much of it was for myself? Was my value only limited to helping them to pay less for more? And how is that aligned with my values and beliefs in life?
With so many unanswered questions and exhaustion, I knew I had to clear the fog. It dawned on me one day, that in order to do so, I had to carve time and space out away from family whom I had unhealthily let become my driving force for too many things. I needed to move out.. It was not an easy decision, and it would put all of us in an unfamiliar uncomfortable situation. My parents rely on me from time to time for support, to be their stand-in caretaker for my brother at home, or for moving things forward when family situations were too much to bear. I was also used to doing so. They needed breaks too, after all the sacrifice they’ve made as caretakers of my brother for 29 years. But I realized that I had to take care of myself too, in order to take care of family in the long run. So, after a few rounds of conversation with my parents, with their blessings, I moved out on my own for the very first time.
What happened in that 7 months when I was living on my own?
Imagine a plant in loosely-filled soil. When the wind blows and it rains, the plant shakes and might even topple. But when the plant is anchored in fully-filled soil, it stands firm without shaking and being consumed. This plant can now do more things like bearing fruit, growing into a tree, and providing shelter.
With clarity comes growth. This plant is me before and after these 7 months of intentionally. I dug deep into my faith, prayed, read different resources regarding finance and life, slept like a koala, ran to MBS, swam, watched sunsets, journal, etc. and gained greater clarity on my purpose, values, and priorities to further anchor myself in them.
I found a healthier balance of time and energy between self and family.
Where I used to blame my parents for not securing their financial future, my heart is now filled with gratitude towards them – had they not allocated their resources early on towards early intervention therapies and programs for my brother, he would not be where he is today. Nowadays, when one of my parents rant, I no longer see them as an additional bag that I need to carry. I am able to listen and hold space for them calmly, yet not take their weight on as mine.
What came was also a deeper understanding of the advisor I want to be and the role I feel convicted to play.
The epiphany came while I was having dinner at my crib with a client turned friend. We were simply conversing about life and she shared, “Rae, you have the gift of making people reflect to gain clarity about our situation, and also what’s in our hearts. Just like you did with my further studies dream and finances multiple times, and now with this (whatever personal things we were conversing about).” It struck me then that this was indeed a natural strength of mine I forgot about, and what brings me joy in knowing the impact this gift brings to others.
It happened so swiftly, yet so naturally; I was crystal clear since.
With the clarity I gained from my 7 months of solo living, I wrote out these 4 intentions of mine:
Through being an advisor, I want to be a #RaeeeofLight:
1. To honour God in all that is done — a clear value I hold dear
2. To bring financial clarity & insights, helping clients steward their finances! — I believe that when we steward our finances, we steward our lives. Emphasizing more on helping clients be crystal clear on the pros and cons of their own decisions allows them to truly make informed decisions for the life they want.
3. To help advisors gain clarity on the advisor they want to be — gaining clarity on the advisor I want to be convicted me that no one in this industry should be a cookie-cutter advisor. Every advisor has their own voice! If only more can be done to help more gain clarity in who they really are and want to be. Previously saying no or hesitating for over a year to take on the additional role of a team trainer, I finally said yes to volunteering so that I can play even just a small part in helping advisors in the team and industry find their own voice and do better for more clients.
4. To be a vessel of light and joy to others through my personal life (especially with @everlastingjoyy)
Every one’s journey in finding and gaining clarity will definitely differ. I hope that if you are here, reading this personal piece of mine, that you will find encouragement and courage to seek out the clarity you need (or not know you need) at this point of your life. The energy i gained from knowing clearly the reason why I am working hard, is priceless.
One of my teammates coined the phrase “Clarity precedes Success”. Gaining clarity of my purpose, values and priorities in alignment with what it means in daily life and work has been one of the best things that has happened to me thus far. It made me free in my heart and created more capacity in me to do what I am convicted to do (as shared above), and I foresee more to come in my future. I am excited to live my life to the fullest, and I wish the same for you too.
Rachael Lim is a financial consultant representing finexis advisory Pte Ltd.
This article contains only her personal views and opinions and is for informational purposes only. The information provided is of a general nature only and does not take into account your specific objectives, needs and financial situation. The information may not be appropriate to your individual needs and should not be relied upon as financial advice. You should seek advice from your financial consultant before making any financial decisions.
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